This was written a couple of months back. I was having some physical problems again
and felt a touch of the old fear trying to raise it's head and dominate my thinking.
Praise God, I was able to document my feelings and get ahold of the
peace that HE gave me years ago.
A couple of days ago I found something that gave me some concern
about my own physical body. . .
it may be nothing or it may be something to be very concerned about. It caused me to think back to about nineteen years ago when the Lord gave me a gift of learning how to live for the day and not focus on death, but life. It was my kids last year of homeschooling (I think) and I was having lots of weakness in my body. I was tired and sickly feeling ALL the time. . .so I went to the doctor to just get something to help me "kick" this flu or whatever and when he checked my red blood count he couldn't believe how low it was. He thought there was an error so he did it again but it still showed the same. . .so he sent it off to a lab for review only to find it was really that low. Then he wanted me to do all kinds of testing and didn't even treat me for what I went in for saying this was much more important. He gave me the idea it was very, very serious. I did all the testings for a couple of weeks but each time I went back he just kept giving me more and more negative results.
This negativity was taking over my whole life, my whole thinking, my entire spirit. . .so I went to Bro. Lockler and asked him to pray for me. After telling him my situation, I went home and had some focus on the Lord time. I told Jesus I couldn't take all this negative stuff coming at me daily, that He'd always been good to me and had never done me wrong my whole life. He really was the best friend I'd ever had. I told Him that I was going to STOP going back for any more tests and just trust Him with my life. If He didn't want me to live any longer because of any reason, then I knew that He knew better than I about what I needed and He loved me regardless. Why would I want to live if the Lord was through with me? What good would I be to my kids or anyone else if the Lord was through with me? I felt peace to just trust Him. . .not that I wouldn't get help if I were in pain too great to stand, or if my leg was broken, etc. . .but that I wouldn't try to force my living regardless of God's intent.
After talking to the Lord, I felt something I'd been missing since the first day I went to the doctor, PEACE. I felt fear move to the back seat and peace take it's rightful place in my thinking. Ive continued to have the same problem over these 19 years, and yes, even seven years ago when I had ear surgery they checked my blood and freaked out over how low my count was. They considered cancelling my surgery but since it was not one where you'd lose much blood they allowed me to go ahead and have it. Janet told them that even if I didn't get to live very long I'd still like to hear for the time I had left.
Anyway, my point is, God has been so good to me! Whatever He has in store for me tomorrow will be good even if it isn't what I'd desire. Of course I'd want to live to see my grandkids all get the Holy Ghost and a vision of their place in the body of Christ. I want to continue to focus on eternal life and allow Him to make the spiritual adjustments to my life that will ensure that I can live forever.
Tom's dad, Bro. Frank Peach, used to quote an old saying, "Only one life, that soon past.
Only what's done for God will last." As long as I live I want to do things that will last after God says, "Time's up!"